First of all, there are three rules when it comes to reflux.
1. You are doing an absolutely incredible job if you’re parenting a little one with reflux.
2. A lot of medical professionals are still not experienced in reflux and can miss symptoms or not offer the correct level of support.
3. You are an expert in your own child’s reflux. (That doesn’t mean you know everything about reflux, and it certainly doesn’t mean you know what another child needs, but it means that no one else knows your child’s symptoms, their behaviour and their needs in the same way that you do).
So, let’s dive in, because I have quite a long professional and personal relationship with reflux.
My professional experience with reflux
I first came across infants with reflux when I worked as a Health Visitor, over 14 years ago now. I’d visit families in those early post-partum weeks and hear about infants who were described as ‘happy spitters’, and others who were far from happy spitters. Some babies frequently regurgitated milk and were incredibly unsettled. Others spat back very little, or nothing at all, but their parents felt that they were uncomfortable or in pain.
The more families I visited, the more I learnt that one of the most important pieces of the puzzle was how the parents felt and what their gut instinct was telling them. If they felt happy with how things were going, amazing. If they didn’t, then it was important for them to seek out an assessment and discuss their concerns with their GP or another appropriate healthcare professional.
And the thing with reflux is that there aren’t always visible or measurable symptoms.
That means parental reporting can be incredibly important. It relies on practitioners listening carefully to what parents are telling them, understanding the bigger picture and responding appropriately. Not every child needs medication. But every parent deserves to have their voice heard, their concerns acknowledged and their child properly assessed.
And then we fast forward to my own experience…
I’m a mum to three, and all three of my children have had reflux. My middle daughter, who is now 10, had severe reflux. I can remember sitting up with her for hours on end in the middle of the night wondering why none of my friends did this. I can remember her constantly spitting up small amounts of milk, and me being so embarrassed at baby groups because I was forever having to clean it all up yet again with baby wipes. My clothes felt permanently stained and marked.
But the thing I remember most is not being listened to by my GP.
At eight weeks old, I was getting around three hours of sleep a night because I either had to hold my daughter upright, or she needed to be breastfed. Some babies with reflux may want to feed frequently, and feeding can sometimes appear to soothe them in the moment. However, frequent feeding can also contribute to a cycle of discomfort for some babies, which is one of the reasons why a proper assessment is so important.
I can remember the consultation room. I can remember the GP looking at me with a sympathetic look in his eye, but not really listening to what I was saying. He then sent me on my way saying I was ‘tired’ and that this was all completely normal. I told him my job. I told him this was my second child. I told him that something didn’t feel right. But I still left feeling like this was my fault. Like I just wasn’t coping like everyone else does.
I decided to just get on with it
The very sad thing about that appointment was that it made me feel so small and so incompetent that I then vowed to ‘just get on with it’. So I did. I managed the wake-ups as best I could and the constant crying every evening for hours on end. I constantly cleaned up the spit-up. And I also Googled. Boy, did I Google.
I followed every blog, every support group, research paper and new piece of evidence I could find and I became my daughter’s own little expert on reflux. By the time she was six months old, I thought that maybe introducing foods would help. They didn’t. In fact, her reflux symptoms intensified. So I did the thing I didn’t want to do, I booked another GP appointment, and this time I vowed that I wasn’t going to leave the surgery until my concerns were taken seriously. They were. We were quickly seen by a paediatrician and dietitian, and my daughter was given medication to help manage her symptoms. It wasn’t a quick fix, but as she grew, her symptoms gradually lessened.
Reflux left a profound mark on me
Reflux was one of the hardest parts of parenting for me, and I think that’s why, now as a sleep consultant, I have such respect for families who are going through it. I often work with little ones who have experienced reflux, and their parents have understandably done anything they can to keep their child comfortable overnight. Sometimes that can mean feeding to sleep, holding them upright, contact sleeping or being very responsive to every little sound and movement. And none of that means you’ve created ‘bad habits’. It means you’ve responded to your baby and you’ve done what you needed to do to keep them comfortable and get through a really difficult period. When reflux symptoms are brought under control, sleep can often change too, sometimes the sleep difficulties remain and need a little extra support. And that’s okay too.
This isn’t a blog about telling you what treatment to try
There is a reason I haven’t written a list of reflux treatments or told you what you ‘should’ be doing, because reflux is incredibly individual. What works for one baby may not work for another and what one parent experiences can be completely different from the next. If anything, I hope this blog shows the uniqueness of reflux, but also highlights just how many amazing parents are out there dealing with it every single day.
It can sound like something simple, a baby brings milk back up, but the impact on family life can be huge. It can affect feeding, sleep, confidence, relationships, going out, socialising and simply getting through the day. And sometimes, the hardest part is feeling like nobody is listening.
My advice?
If something doesn’t feel right, keep asking until your concerns are taken seriously. You know your child better than anyone. You don’t need to know the diagnosis. You don’t need to know what treatment they need. You don’t need to be able to explain exactly what is happening, but you can say, ‘Something doesn’t feel right.’, and that voice deserves to be heard.
And what about sleep?
I’ve known babies with reflux who sleep really well. I’ve also worked with families who have spent nights holding their child upright because lying flat was so uncomfortable for them. There isn’t one ‘reflux baby’, and there isn’t one sleep experience. Sleep can improve when symptoms are appropriately managed, but sometimes a little extra support is needed to help a child and family find their way back to better sleep. And that’s okay too.
So, to every family currently navigating reflux, I have the utmost respect for you. You are probably doing far more than you realise, you’re tired, you’re worried, you’re constantly second-guessing yourself, and you’re probably Googling things at 2am too. But you are doing an amazing job.
And if you’d like to chat about your reflux experience or discuss how I can support your child’s sleep once their reflux is being appropriately managed, please feel free to drop me a message or email.
You don’t have to figure it all out on your own.
Topics: Baby sleep, Tips for parents
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