Now, I have to start this blog off by saying that it is only with time that I am able to talk about this holiday. In the weeks, months and even years after, I could not bring myself to think about this holiday, let alone talk about it. But now, nearly 3 years on, I feel that sharing it might help someone in a similar situation. And failing that, maybe writing about it will bring some closure.
So, let’s the scene. A 5 * resort. On the beach. All inclusive. Glorious sunshine. What could possibly go wrong? Well, a 7 month old that didn’t sleep with reflux and allergies to wheat, soya and dairy and a breastfeeding mum who was beyond exhausted.
When we booked the holiday our thinking was that by the time our son was 7 months things might have got better (they weren’t), and I can also remember thinking that I was so exhausted, so maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to be sat next to the beach with a mocktail in hand whilst being exhausted (it would be).
Fast forward to me sitting on the beach, with a tear in my eye and looking at how much flights home were on day two.
You see, the thing is when you have a child that doesn’t sleep is you develop your own kind of coping mechanisms. At home, my husband slept in another room at night, meaning that he felt relatively rested in the day, and could take over from me, and I’d nap in the afternoon. But on holiday, whilst our two older daughters had their own interconnecting room, me, my husband and son shared a room. Meaning none of us got much sleep at all.
Also being on holiday meant that it was hard to try and nap in the room (it was noisy, the maids were in and out), and also, you really wanted to make the most of the sunshine, even if you looked like an extra from the Thriller music video.
At home, I’d start winding down about 7pm and get into bed just after, to really maximise any snippets of sleep. But on holiday, who goes to bed at 7pm? I still needed to eat, and you couldn’t go into the restaurants in your pyjamas, so it was quite an effort to look presentable each evening and drag ourselves out.
Our routine was out, our day to day coping mechanisms were out, and I can just remember our son crying and crying every evening. It was awful.
And to add salt the wound, I could barely eat anything from the all inclusive. This country, I’ve now learnt, isn’t the best at catering to dietary requirements, and I can remember living off bits and bobs and some pesto pasta.
We survived. Barely. But on day 8, I reached breaking point. Exhausted, tearful and pretty hungry, I staggered to the coffee shop on site, and I’m not proud of what happened next. I ate a cheesecake. I knew I shouldn’t. I knew the possible consequences. But honestly? I just felt so sad, and I just wanted something to make me feel slightly better, if only for 5 minutes. Please don’t judge me – I know I shouldn’t have eaten it, but I did.
Luckily, my little boy didn’t really react to the cheesecake incident. He was pretty upset the entire time we were away anyway. But the guilt I felt, on top of the exhaustion, really topped off the holiday for me. I was not only an exhausted mum, I wasn’t a very good one at that.
I know a lot of families, thankfully won’t have a holiday like this. But I also know, that there will be some parents who read this who are in a similar situation. And it’s to those parents I say what an amazing job you’re doing. Parenting is hard. And on limited sleep, it’s even harder, you’re doing great.
I’ve recently done an Instagram post, reaching out to any families who may be thinking of going on holiday with a child that doesn’t sleep or who has a sleep concern. My honest advice? Try and get some support with their sleep before you go. I understand the allure of being somewhere sunny and warm. And you can be tired anywhere right? But in my experience, when you are surviving, you really do develop your own coping mechanisms, which can be so hard to maintain in a new environment.
Are you considering getting some support for your child’s sleep? Are you just surviving? You can book a completely free call with me at the link on the top of my website. The call lets us chat about your child’s current sleep concern, where you want to get to, and how I can support you to get there. There really is nothing to lose and I’d love to help. Having gone through the depths of sleep deprivation myself, I’ve made it my mission to help as many families as possible using responsive, evidence-based techniques, supporting you every step of the way.
