If I was lying in a hospital bed, both my legs in plaster of paris casts from a misfortunate accident with the children’s Harry Potter lego (bare with me, this could happen), I wouldn’t turn to the person in the bed next to me who had their arm in a similar plaster of paris cast (from an unfortunate incident involving the children’s garden slip and slide), and say, “Well, you definitely haven’t got anything to worry about Margaret. In fact, you’ve got it good next to me”.
Now, 1) this is rude, poor Margaret, and 2) just because you have a different injury, it doesn’t take the pain away from you or someone else. And it’s exactly the same with sleep.
I think for a long time, I really struggled with getting support with sleep for my youngest son. We all know sleep is tough with children. I wasn’t the only one to be awake at all hours, watching YouTube videos of a guy making a globe out of pencil crayons (this really happened), or having a stash of chocolate digestives next to the bed for midnight breastfeeds. So why should I complain? It’s such a blessing to even have a child. I really should just suck it up and count my blessings. And for such a long time, I really did.
I showed up. I went to the baby groups (in body not mind). I just got on with it. Because that’s what mums do.
But, when that sleep deprivation becomes continuous. When that sleep deprivation is affecting you on a daily basis, that is something completely different. And the thing with sleep is, we all have our limits.
And I know I always bang on about it, but how can you possibly pour from an empty cup? How can you show up everyday when your cup was well and truly drained about 6 months ago? How can you show up and be the best version of yourself if your are merely surviving? How can you be the best parent comparing your situation to that of someone else?
Sure. Be present. Show up for your child. Show them you love them and you would walk to the ends of the Earth for them. But at the same time, your little one wants and needs a parent who is relatively rested, and is caring for themselves too. Society too often tells us to give our all to our children. To be present. To concentrate solely on them. Our baby is the centre of our world. And whilst yes, that’s all true, so too is showing up for yourself. I would argue you can’t do that if you don’t consider yourself at all. It’s not selfish, it’s not neglecting your child, it’s actually being a better parent.
Unfortunately, there is no guide to follow as to what constitutes too little sleep. Only you will know. But for me, when everyday felt like a struggle and when I felt I was merely surviving, not thriving, I knew something had to change.
So whilst you might only feel like you have a broken arm next to other parents catastrophic injuries, if it’s affecting you, it’s affecting you. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
And the same goes for sleep. Don’t let societal ‘norm’s or what you should or shouldn’t be doing stop you from reaching out for support if you’d like help with your child’s sleep. I’ve been there. And broken leg, nose or arm, it all hurts and all needs attention.
If you’d like support with your child’s sleep, click on the link to book a completely free sleep consultation call and let’s chat about how I can support you.
